I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
