Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
