Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
