another moral hangover. fuck.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
