you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
