He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
