When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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