This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
