sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
