Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
