I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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