she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
