I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
