...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
