on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
