Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
