The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They took my balls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
