Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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