TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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