I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
