Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
