Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
