I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
