addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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