U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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