too bad you live with your parents still
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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