Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
