hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
