Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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