Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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