I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
