That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
