This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
