If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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