who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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