Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
