News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
