Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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