i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
