I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
