My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
