hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
