Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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