Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You made out with two different species that night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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