it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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