I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
