please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
