I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Pooping to opera.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
