first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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