Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
