Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
